At risk of sounding like a White Whiner, I simply cannot comprehend why it requires such great bodily, mental, and spiritual strength to find chocolate that satisfies me; I am not particularly particular–promise!–all I want is an ethically-traded, organic, seventy-plus-percent, independently-produced bar with few additives, which really isn’t too much to ask for–in fact, for a good while I had what I coveted in Dagoba, a former favorite of mine due as much to the taste of the chocolate as to its name (homophonous as it is with my favorite Star Wars system), but they have since been bought out by Hershey’s, tarring them with the unacceptable brush of corporate shame; in any case, I hope that mulling over the memories of my cacaoed past somehow convinces me that the bacon chocolate bar that grabbed my fancy yesterday while browsing the posh grocery store down the street is worth its $7.99 asking price–which, of course, it most likely isn’t, but the obscenely titillating combo of bacon and chocolate makes me think there is a clandestine epicurean-dreams-into-tempting-realities converter lurking nearby…